TOXIC OR NOT...

I could not control my emotions the moment I left her bedside. We all knew he was not right for her and made sure she knew how we felt but Paula was either too in love or downright naive. 

Since ignorance is not an excuse and my desire to save you from being stuck in or consenting to be in a toxic relationship is undaunted,  I am going to share with you the warning signs of a bad relationship that can’t be ignored. It’s not easy to accept that your relationship might not be good for you – but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you can move forward.  

In a good relationship, you feel sure of your partner without having to ask for reassurance. Do you feel secure, happy, fulfilled, and protected in your relationship? Maybe not – otherwise you wouldn’t be here, looking for signs of a bad relationship.

Before we start, you need to know that the following signs are not based on my Opinion but have been culled from a relationship expert. Let's start:

10 Signs of a Bad Relationship

1. You keep your partner’s actions and words a secret. If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does to you that you find uncomfortable, demeaning or not right, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him, then it’s time to get out of that bad relationship. You’re not just with the wrong guy…you’re being the wrong type of woman.

2. Your partner wants you to change. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are, run for the hills! This is one of the most important signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are, probably compares you with an Ex-gf or another woman. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re rich or poor, big or small, or here or there. This is not same as encouraging you to make positive changes that you're comfortable with or that are good for your health, career or other genuine reason. You know it’s time to get out when you can’t be yourself.

3. Your partner doesn’t trust you. Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love! If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your love. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.

4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others. If he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, then he’s no good for you! You’re better off to break up with him and start getting over your broken heart.

5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship. Does your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of a bad relationship, and a sign it’s time to get out.

6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals. If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same focus.

7. Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves you. Believe his nonverbal behavior (his actions) over his verbal behavior (talk is cheap!).

8. You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy. If you’re not happy, it’s a sign. If you’re in a bad relationship, learn how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.

9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationship. I don’t think we should choose our boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but I do think we should take their opinions into consideration! If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.

10. You’re wondering about the warning signs of a bad relationship. The most important warning sign of love gone bad is your gut feeling! Why are you worrying about your relationship? Would you want your sister, best friend, or daughter to be in this relationship? To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave a bad relationship, you may need to talk to a marriage counselor.

The worst sign of all types of bad relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk about what your partner says and does to you, then it’s a bad relationship. Another big sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved when you’re with your partner.

Now that you are aware, do you still want to remain in that relationship that is draining you probably because of your kids or the energy, finances and time you have invested over the years? In the end, the choice is yours. 

For more signs read on