Close Your Eyes ...

It has been two years since we started dating and he was becoming more restless. He had recently complained about how my busy schedules were interfering with our relationship. That was a first because he'd never complained before.

To make up for my lack of presence, I took the initiative, got the day off and convinced him to do same. I planned everything—the day off, the dinner, the fun activities. Dinner was at an expensive restaurant. 

The candlelight and gentle strains of music was more than I expected. The laughter and conversation had brought us closer than ever. The day had been perfect and the whole "all day fun" plan was a huge success. 

I waited for him to lock the car doors before walking over to stand beside him. I could sense it - the reluctance and a new underlying tension - it was written in the brief flash of darkness that I saw his eyes. He was not happy with me, I guessed, but, my mind was not ready for that conversation. Not tonight..

We walked in silence, our footsteps echoing on the pavement. His hand found mine, and hand-in-hand we strolled towards my front door, a few meters away from the general car park. My fingers tingled from the warmth of his gentle grip as he rubbed his thumb against my knuckles. 

I had tried to envision how the night would end. Infact despite our enchanting date, I had replayed several scenarios over a million times in my mind.

He would walk you to your door, then you invite him in for a nightcap... a glass of wine... you might end up sharing more, the more tipsy part of my mind counseled. Nooo, my inspired brain objected. Just make the move, kiss him goodnight and let it linger. But, won't that make me look ...desperate, I argued with myself

My tingling fingers suddenly became clammy as my dilemma worsened with my rising anxiety. 

"So how will the night end?" 

My girl had asked earlier today. That was hours ago. I didn’t have an answer then, and now—standing here—I still don’t. She had suggested crashing at his place but I was not ready to cross certain boundaries especially if it would cloud my judgement. Besides, that suggestion was off the table and he was cool with it but, some how, something changed over dinner. 

I wasn't sure what it was... probably the wine, the magical night or the deep conversation which got us bonding on all levels... but I knew I was yearning for things my workaholic body would usually block off. 

Tonight, he was all over me. He was definitely smitten—his touch, his gaze—they all screamed his unspoken words at me and I was triggered. Initially, the desire got me confused but right now, I just knew I needed him to feel all my emotions, to see that side of me I had been less than eager to reveal to him or anyone else. 

But how? How do I play my card so as not to appear too intense and end up losing my poise? How do I balance desire and dignity?

It was either a yes or no. But my brain? It was already in the happy hibernation mode, which meant — no help was forthcoming —you're on your own. 

The moment stretched and I felt the weight of my indecision pressing down on me. I was hanging on the edge, hoping... for something. Anything.

If only this was my area of specialization...

Close Your Eyes II

More on NIB

HOT CAKE 3