Celebrate Life... Live Free

Babbie pulled out the chair next to mine and sat down. I looked up from my book and noticed she was sulking.

"What is it again?"

"It's my mum. She threatened me again today. She gave me till the end of this month to find a husband. Nikky sometimes I wonder if she is my real mother. Anyway it Will end this year. You remember that Reverend I told you about? He said I will be married by December. I just can't wait..."

I was getting ready for my Bar Finals and could not understand what my friend was going on about. Initially I had concluded that Babbie was just being dramatic and would laugh very hard at her stories and facial expression. But her battle with her biological mother turned out to be true.

Her mother had abused, starved and locked her out of their home severally for refusing to get married. She had dragged her to several "men of God" for cleansing and deliverance. Babbie was in her early twenties, young, living in hell and hated being single. The stigma was so intense that she would decline any offer to go out for events just because she didn't want to run into any of her married classmates and her mother had an annoying habit of reminding her that all her mates in the neighborhood were married. She made her life miserable.

The heavens smiled at my friend. Babbie got a great job after our service year and moved into her own small apartment. After a year she was promoted. She was angry at her boss for recommending her for the new position and detested her promotion to the position of a manager simply because it meant she would be transferred back to her state. At that time, I was unemployed, single and confused by her latest woes. I was praying for a life like hers and was eager to celebrate my friend who had refused to appreciate and count her blessings. Nothing mattered to her. The only thing that could make Babbie happy was getting married to a man, any man. She was desperate and sad with the way her life had turned out. I was surprised to see my plump friend looking shriveled. I thought it was work stress only to find out that she was on another round of 21 days intense fasting and prayers. That was three years ago. That was before she withdrew into her shell and cut off all links with almost everyone.


I ran into a colleague recently. We all served together and I was so eager to reunite with everyone especially Babbie. Stella could not believe I did not hear the news of Babbie's demise. "Babbie died a year ago" Stella narrated with a shrug. "Her younger sister got married, her mother deserted her, she lost her luster, lost her job due to her constant absence. She was always at a retreat or prayer camp and later became sick. The church told her not to seek medical help. Sadly, she never recovered. Babbie never got married". That news ruined my day.

Where am I headed with this narrative? The truth is: I don't know. But one thing I know is, my name is Nikky and I don't want you to end up like Babbie.

I have been asked severally; "you are an awesome lady so why are you still single?" My retort is; ls it a crime to be single and fulfilled? I have been given the looks, have heard the whispers and tales behind my back by the not so brave. In fact the moment some people look at your finger and don't find that most sought after ring, they conclude you are single and the next thing you will get is the second class citizen treatment. Most Nigerians act as if being married earns you a badge or a seat at a glorified table. No wonder most girls rush to the social media to show off their engagement rings the moment "he" pops the question. Some brothers have even joined the "beard gang" and have gained weight in the wrong places simply because wearing a beard and looking bigger separates you from the boys. Sadly the boys have joined the gang too...lol!

Nobody is saying walking down the isle and starting a life with your soulmate is wrong. I have siblings and friends who are happily married so I know first hand the joys and challenges of marriage. However, not everyone is called to that vocation.

So, if you are a single in Nigeria and Africa as a whole who has been abused, deceived or derided, and as a result of this feel that being single in your late twenties, thirties or forties is a curse, I say; there is no shame in being a spinster or bachelor. Being single is not a curse. It is time to Liberate yourself from the shackles of this prude belief that being single means you are inferior or that God has forgotten you. We need to say no to this custom that has pushed many young people into yoking themselves with tyrants and beasts in their desire to not to be left behind in the race for the ring.

Do not be like Babbie. Do not miss out on being single just because you are desperate to tie yourself to any man or woman. Being single is better than taking a vow of unhappiness, it is way better than being miserable for the rest of your days with a handful of kids and a deserter for a husband or wife simply because you refused to look before taking that leap. It is time for you to celebrate life. Be the best in your chosen career, join a volunteer group, find fulfillment from giving back to your community, do whatever makes you smile and while you are at it, never forget to thank God for your life and His mercies. Your happiness is not tied to one woman or man somewhere. Be a great single so that when you eventually say those sacred vows and become a parent you will be a source of joy to your household.

To our parents I say, encourage your sons and daughters, show them love, be their pillars of strength, be the prayer warriors they know. We do not want to end up like Babbie in a morgue with all our dreams dashed or brutally murdered by a frustrated wife or husband. Give your children a chance to live a fulfilled and happy life.

In the end, living a fulfilled life with a partner who is willing to face the  challenges of life with you is worth waiting for. Live free.

I love you all.