Woes of a Coffee Drinker

If you're a Nigerian, then you would agree that most of us, if not all, love our tea or cocoa (Milo, Bournvita and so on) with cream especially on a cold morning or just for "washing down" our breakfast or even dinner. Chai, you need to see the queue at Mai Shayi's (tea seller) shop down my street every morning. Yeah, for most of us, it's tea or a big bottle of chilled Coca cola.

Somehow in the course of my adulthood, I was introduced to decaffeinated coffee and I fell in love with it too. I became hooked and started having an open mind whenever it had to do with beverages. Well that was until my coffee woes.

I can still recall the first day I tasted the real black coffee. It was back in school. We were getting ready for this serious exam and sleep decided it was time to flex muscles. I was reading and nodding off when my roommate tapped me and suggested a remedy. Her testimony of how drinking a cup of coffee kept her awake till day break won me over. When she offered this big tin of Nescafe, I saw coffee boldly written on it and recalled seeing several as a kid at home although I never tasted it because according to the house rule; "it wasn't for children". 

Something told me not to try it but I gladly accepted the friendly gift since I was obviously an adult by all standards and was always ready to try out new things. My naive mind thought it was the regular choco drinks I was used to. The aroma was new to me but my friend who was sounding like a coffee PR agent convinced me of it's potency so I dipped my spoon inside the mixture.

Will one spoon completely chase this evil sleep away so I could read in peace? 

I asked myself as I weighed my options. Without much thought, I dipped my spoon a second time and grabbed my flask of hot water. After stirring it for awhile, I happily sat down at my desk and opened my book. with my eyes glued to the pages, I took a gulp. 

Oluwa oo!!! I wept as I ran for my cupboard and the pack of sugar sitting inside. It was as if somebody blended bitter leaf and packaged it as a drink! My taste buds screamed from the brutal torment as I nearly threw up my dinner.  My roommate fell off her bed with laughter but I never noticed as I fought to rid my system of the drink. Nothing could have prepared me for that bitterness. 

After that day, I swore off coffee and stuck to my decaffeinated coffee and milk drinks.

Fast forward to my not so recent trip to jand (not japa oo lol!). After a long meeting, I accepted to go for a coffee break with my oyibo colleague. The office had a kitchenette so we stepped in and I watched her start the coffee maker before settling back into our chairs. While we waited, we talked about everything we could think of. After awhile, a small beep got her shooting up from the couch and pulling out two cups. I joined her and accepted a cup. 

She poured this very dark liquid into our cups and handed mine over to me. I accepted my share and slowly blew cold air at the extremely hot liquid since I definitely didn't want to scald my tongue. The aroma hit my nostrils and my brain started a fast search to verify if we have ever perceived that aroma before. 

The search ended abruptly as I could not remember ever tasting oyibo coffee since my arrival and the way they drink several cups in a day, this thing must be sweet joor I concluded as I cradled my cup. I was still blowing mine unhurriedly when my new friend took a sip of her's and moaned;

 "Coffee is the best. It's my morning routine. I enjoy seven cups or more a day..." 

Her testimony shot down my last reservation and ditching my fear of sustaining a bruised tongue, I raised my cup to my lips and took a sip...

To cut this story short, I know motivational speakers always say: Never say Never but you see me and coffee, NEVER EVER NEVER. Just forget it...well unless drinking it will get me a heavy credit alert 😆😆

Where is my decaf joor?