Ditching Bella...

It was a Saturday and as always it was very hectic. I had a mountain of work to lower and very little time. My eyes kept darting to the wall clock as I attacked all my chores with gusto while trying not to dwell on the nagging thought of my newest discovery.

I love working hard so, playing hard is definitely on my schedule. Previously, unwinding for me meant seeing movies, singing or chasing a volley ball around the court with a trainer whenever hanging out or hosting friends was not possible. Well, that was before I encountered what I now consider to be the best therapy in the world. My first session left exciting thoughts of gyrating sweaty bodies, constant laughter, rippling muscles, moans and groans of newbies trying to impress and the resonating sound of  mind blowing Naija tracks. I must say that it was really hard focusing on any other issue all through the week. I was eager for the week to wrap up and could not subdue the excitement rippling through me. Enrolling for the Aerobic class felt like a trillion-dollar decision.

By noon my gear was packed and I was whistling an upbeat tune while pulling on a body fitted T-shirt in front of my window to floor mirror when I heard the firm knock, followed by the sound of a high pitched voice I had gotten used to. The smile on my face disappeared as I stood there staring at my reflection. The voice yelled out my name again, this time a pitch higher. Sighing with consternation, I tip toed to the living room window and hurriedly withdrew my hand from the curtain as if it was on fire. Bella was at my front door! How did she get into the compound? I search myself for an answer and groaned. Closing my eyes, I tried to will her to go away. 

Let me explain, Bella coming over on a Saturday meant I would be tortured with  her very long, boring stories of fictitious fights, exploits and sexploits with her various boyfriends and her latest husband. The girl had skills and was notorious for her ability to pry answers to very personal questions from anyone. She loved food and her stepping into my kitchen meant most of my cooked meal would find their way into her belly and handbag. I forgot to mention that being sad always left her ravenous. Her nerve racking tantrums which are always due to her loop sided feminist views, her real and imaginary bruised ego which would always result in me pleading with her to forget her threats of committing suicide. By the way, don't let the suicide statement bother you. It was coined to scare her boyfriends into compliance. Suicide or anything that would cut short her fun was the least thought on Bella's mind.

After examining her critically, I had reached the conclusion that Bella's case was totally beyond doctors and prophets. She was simply a pain in all the wrong places and if na send they send am to forestall my plans, I was not going to let that happen.

"Nikky I can actually see you peeping at me. I lost my house keys so open the door please. I need someone to talk to..." 

Hurriedly stepping away from the window, I knew I had to device a perfect, waterproof, airtight plan that would help me ditch Bella. But what life threatening story could keep her out?